To Be Honest Thursday #tbht

To be honest, today I lost my temper with Stetson.
To be honest, I was so so angry. It may have been my angriest moment as a parent.
The boys are now sharing a room and Stetson decided to start hollering and hooting about twenty minutes in to his nap. He not only didn't nap himself, but he woke up his little brother, Porter, and I was furious.
To be honest, I raised my voice and then I started to cry.
I rarely raise my voice or lose my temper. Rarely. That's not a brag, that's just my personality. But today I yelled. Today I sounded like my own mother, when she was angry.
​​
After our upset, cry and regroup, I sat the boys in front of the TV with a movie on and I went for a shower. In the shower I replayed it all over in my head. The yelling, the crying, the hugs, the TV, the lack of naps.
To be honest, sleep is a huge trigger for my post-partum anxiety. When the boys refuse to sleep or wake up constantly or miss a nap or are late for bedtime... pretty much anything that messes with sleep will set me off. So today, today was tough. But in the shower, in the calm, I can see the reality - it's okay, it's not the end of the world and the day will go on. They'll go to bed tonight and tomorrow will be a new day. And tomorrow I will feel better.
To be honest, is yelling really the worst thing a parent could do? I mentioned above that I sounded like my mother.
To be honest, there is no one else I would rather sound like. My mom yelled at us, when warranted. But she also loved us, she hugged and kissed us, she supported us and gave everything for us. If I end up being anything close to the mother that raised me, I'll be lucky, and so will my kids.
Now why am I sharing this? It's not my typical type of post but my kind, caring, supportive friend Erin started #tbht a while ago and to be honest, I feel like we could all use a little honesty. Parenting is hard, as it should be, we are raising the future. So let's do it together, the good and not so good, we won't get anywhere alone. Life isn't always pretty or perfect and I make a conscious effort to show that.
My sweet Erin and her friend Amanda operate an amazing organization called Kindred Counselling & Workshops, if you are new to parenting or in the thick of it they are an incredible resource of knowledge, love and support.

- lovefrommaria

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

That "Cop" is my Husband

Image
All too often I hear people complaining about the police. I hear them hating on them, cursing them and making fun of them. I know that not everyone does this but unfortunately it happens a lot. As the wife of a police officer you may think I am biased, and perhaps I am, but I also see things very differently than those not involved personally with a police officer. Everyday that my husband goes to work he chooses to put his life at risk to keep the rest of us safe. He has chosen a career that involves him missing bedtime with his children, missing important holidays and events with family and friends. He misses out on these things to keep you safe - to uphold the law that he believes so fiercely in. He chooses to strap on a bulletproof vest, every single shift, because heaven forbid, that be the shift that someone decides to attack him. He has worked so hard to be where he is, he has received extensive training and is equipped with tools to help and to protect him.  But
Read more

D E V O T I O N

One word as a theme for the year.  D E V O T I O N To my faith - may it continue to grow and blaze, setting my heart on fire.  To my husband - my bestfriend, my partner, may we continue to love and respect each other with understanding.  To my son - may you continue to teach me things about life, and myself, that I have been so oblivious to.  To myself - may you hold strong to who you are, take time for yourself, love yourself and run. Mi fido di te.  And so I build this year on devotion. Intentional devotion in all that I do.  Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves. -Romans 12:10 lovefrommaria 
Read more

Sleepy Stets

Image
 I found an old playlist the other day, "Sleepy Stets" it's called. I remember making it, it was going to be what I would play while my baby fell asleep at night and during his naps. It's a beautiful playlist, sweet country songs, Jack Johnson, Ben Harper and of course, Iz.  I couldn't help but laugh when I reminisced on the making of this playlist. Little did I know I was going to be blessed with a baby who defied all baby-sleep rules and regulations. A baby who went shot for shot with the best of them when it came to sleep. My Stetson.  Today is his first day of fulltime dayhome. It's a weird day. I've spent the last 20 months with this little person attached to me, first growing inside me for nine months and then always with me for the next eleven.  In two weeks my maternity leave (God bless Canada and our maternity leave benefits) will come to an end. I look forward to returning to my Cardel Place family, I miss just being ME and having other t
Read more