Love From Maria

​ ​ S M L This year of reflection wouldn't be complete without noting the heavy influence that studying art history has had on who I am - if you read my first reflection you'd likely have noticed, hahah! Interestingly, or embarrassingly - as you may think - the reason I enrolled in my first Art History course was because I read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Fortunately for me, the reason I continued to study it and earn a degree in it, was altogether different.  That reason was  Dr. David Bershad .  From the moment he opened his mouth in my very first course with him I was hooked. You may find this hard to believe about Art History and I don't even know how many people I have told this to by now, but if I could, I would spend my days sitting in on his lectures, just listening to his stories of the Renaissance. In my time at the University of Calgary I took every course that he offered and never once was I let down.  ​ ​ ...

Maybe it's because it's the most recent or maybe it really has been the deepest experience of my life, but today I'm starting my reflections with becoming a mother.  ​ ​ S M L XL Like many to-be-mothers I spent my pregnancies fantasizing about the children I would have, the cute outfits they would wear, the sweet, woven bassinet they would sleep in and the adventures we would take. How we would spend the days together, shopping, watching Ellen, going for walks around the neighbourhood in between naps. I thought I would go for workouts while my baby was cared for at Child Minding and spend leisurely evenings with friends while my baby slept sweetly in the other room.  I realize some mothers really do experience all of those sweet things, and I did experience sweet things - I just didn't really notice.  The anxiety that set in within days of having Stetson, my first son, set a thick veil around me. I look back at photos and I know I smiled, I know I laug...

A few weeks ago I found myself telling a friend how these little things, somewhat themes, keep appearing in my life and I can't help but wonder if others experience this too. Let me explain.  I've been reading a book, The Art of Possibility, and one of the notions - it's all invented - was a total throw back to High School English for me. We did a film study of Don Juan de Marco, good old Johnny Depp, Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway. If you haven't watched this movie I hope you will - even if you're not watching it for the reasons I am about to tell you, it is still enjoyable. Johnny Depp plays a patient with mental health issues and believes himself to be Don Juan - the world's greatest lover. Despite being a patient of a hospital, diagnosed with a delusional disorder he is able to bring love, light and beauty into the lives of not just the staff working with him but his therapist, played by Marlon Brando. Anyway, I will not recite the synopsis, please watch ...

​ ​ S M L This morning my little fellas came rushing in the room to wake me up - just like they do most mornings. They climbed in for a cuddle and then convinced me it was truly time to wake up. My bare feet touched the carpet and recoiled - the carpet was freezing. I hopped out of bed and tossed on my sweater, each step on the cold floor confirming my suspicions that the furnace had gone out over night. Sure enough, it had.  My husband was working a night shift and wouldn't be home for a while so it was up to me to investigate, and well, furnaces aren't really my thing. I called my big brother.  Let me just clarify. I called my big brother at 6:15 in the morning. And I didn't just call him. I called him and then he bundled up and drove to my house. Without a huff or a single hint of complaint he showed up at my house to figure out my furnace woes. Oh, and he did all of this on his day off.  ​ ​ S M L Now, I know this isn't the end of the world, ju...

​ ​ S M L    In January I set out to do more of what makes me happy. I set out to consciously take time for me, everyday. I set out to walk, every day of this year. And I decided to share it too! Well, not too long into it I very honestly missed some walks. Some days, between work and me and husband and sons and life in general, my walks just didn't happen. That's okay. That's called balance. And that's exactly what 2016 and my Walking 365 challenge became.  Balance between being a mom first and being me first. I've discovered that it truly changes in as quick as a minute.  One minute I have my shoes on to head out the door for a walk when one of the boys wakes up with a fever. Or my husband ends up stuck at work on overtime. And other times it is a choice. It can be easy to be a mom first as a reason to not go do something and this year I consciously tried to evaluate each time I said no, or thought about putting off my walk. Some of the times...

​ ​ S M L On Tuesday we all witnessed an historical election - and election result. This has nothing to do with who I think should or shouldn't have won and everything to do with all of the posts on Wednesday morning asking "what will we tell our children?"  While I can see where folks are coming from with this, I also just can't understand how this could be so difficult - and I know I'm not the only one. A friend obviously felt the same and shared her thoughts that happen to line up pretty well exactly with mine.  What did you tell your children before the election?  You likely told them to be kind, to love others, to accept others and not judge. You may have told them to be a friend, that together we are stronger and that the biggest and best things happen when we all focus our energy together. Maybe you didn't tell your kids these exact things, my point is let's not allow a president-elect to seamlessly strip us of our foundational beliefs an...

To be honest, today I lost my temper with Stetson. To be honest, I was so so angry. It may have been my angriest moment as a parent. The boys are now sharing a room and Stetson decided to start hollering and hooting about twenty minutes in to his nap. He not only didn't nap himself, but he woke up his little brother, Porter, and I was furious. To be honest, I raised my voice and then I started to cry. I rarely raise my voice or lose my temper. Rarely. That's not a brag, that's just my personality. But today I yelled. Today I sounded like my own mother, when she was angry. S L XL ​ ​ After our upset, cry and regroup, I sat the boys in front of the TV with a movie on and I went for a shower. In the shower I replayed it all over in my head. The yelling, the crying, the hugs, the TV, the lack of naps. To be honest, sleep is a huge trigger for my post-partum anxiety. When the boys refuse to sleep or wake up constantly or miss a nap or are late for bedtime... pre...